Tuesday, July 28, 2009

what is it that makes it so hard to talk to each other?

what is it that makes it so hard to talk to each other? and how to break the emotional wall?

Difference in opinion probably is the main reason that makes it so hard to talk to each other. Whenever we have similar thoughts, opinions and view on an issue, it is easier for us to talk to each other because we find that the other party agree with us, they have the same idea that we have. Hence, we will feel that this other person understand us well and we feel more comfortable talking with them. On the other hand, if the other person disagree with us, we might feel offended, or uncomfortable to communicate with him or her. Moreover, we don't know how they will interpret our opinion. Some might accept it, but some might not. In 'Thousand Years of Good Prayers', Mr Shi and his daughter rarely talk to each other, simply because they do not share same opinion.

Besides opinion, one factor contributing to communication failure is maybe because one is not comfortable to talk to another party. They rather not talk about it at all or else, they will end up feeling awkward to the other person. For instance, in the story, Mr Shi tried to help her daughter overcome her sadness, he wanted to know what went wrong with his daughters' marriage but his daughter refused to talk about it as she did not feel comfortable talking to his father regarding her broken marriage. Also in the story, Mr Shi said that, "talking is telling people how you feel about them, and inviting them to tell you how they feel about you", perhaps Mr Shi's daughter find the idea of sharing her feelings with his own father is not a suitable approach to fix their father-daughter relationship. Maybe she finds it's useless to talk about her feelings now as they never talk about it all this while.

A person's background and upbringing may also be one of the factor that makes it so hard to talk to each other. In the story, Mr Shi's daughter was brought up in a language that she never used to express her feelings. She also claimed that her parents never talked even when they were having problem. Thus, she was influenced by her parents' quietness and she too ended up being quiet. Moreover, to some people, they are afraid to share their feelings as others might misinterpret it.

To break the emotional wall, one must put efforts to get to know the other person. As for Mr Shi's case, preferably he should try to talk to his daughter more frequently. However, he shouldn't force her too much as this will only lead to an argument. Besides if he wants to break the wall, he too must open up to his daughter, which means he also need to share his feelings with his daughter. By doing this, his daughter may finds it easier to open up as well, and thus, she will talk too. When both of them are comfortable to share their feelings, then only they can break the wall which separate them all this while. It is important too that they need to understand each other well to avoid any miscommunication. When we know a person well enough then only we know their response and hence, we're able to converse comfortably.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

i love them all

College was pretty good, however, for some of us, it was not. Everyone has their ups and downs. It's right in the middle of July, which means this is only the starting of our second semester of Ausmat but, I'm already exhausting. Like the making of esters, a process named esterification, I see myself as the molecule of alcohol, (I prefer being an ethanol, simplest structure), its molecular structure being broken and its bond are then connected to molecules of carboxylic acid, ethanoic acid. Workload such as homework, assignments, lab reports and tests represents some components of the ethanoic acid. Not enough with that, a little of concentrated sulfuric acid was added. I prefer to think this acid as the stress that keeps on pushing me to work harder. It acts as a catalyst, of course like how sulfuric acid play its role in the process of esterification. Enough about organic chemistry, I'm starting to compare my study life here with the formation of ester. Lab class was quite interesting recently with all those alcohols and esters and their odour, just enough to kill your receptors.

Besides the odour which tried to kill my receptors, there's other things trying to kill my brain cells and neurons too. Test and more test. We sat for applicable maths test on Monday. Probability is not my favourite, I must say, but it does challenge me. Like solving a riddle or playing some IQ games, I'm quite like the challenge of it but of course, not in test. I need to think a lot, like every possible ways of arranging whatever thingy they gave us in question. Not to forget, the complicated tree diagram. Friday was another test, Physics. Another major headache for me. I should feel glad my brain did not explode on that wonderful Friday morning. I still can't face the fact that I'm unable to get the orbital radius, R for the last question. I messed up the last part. Time's up. Chances gone. Move on people. We're going to sit another test next week, Economics and I pray for the best. Hopefully government policies and regulations are not as complicated as the probabilty of getting blue marble. Besides, I hope that calculating the income tax for middle income earner is not as hard as calculating the orbital radius. I'm not being prejudice to these subjects and I believe there's no such thing as being prejudice towards studies. I love blue marbles as much as I love red marbles and I love gravity and satellites and Neptune too. Most of all, I still love English :D

Saturday, July 11, 2009


This whole week was all about university applications. I didn't realise before how hard it is to choose the best university. Apparently I can't really define the 'best' university. How do I know whether it's the best for me? There are too many things that we need to consider..the place itself, the environment, the people there, living cost, the ranking for the universities, and the approval from JPA. I've been spending the whole last two weeks thinking about this matter. And it's like being in a dilemma. Asking my parent's opinion regarding this matter didn't help much. They just looked at those university brochers and said "it's for your own future, you decide yourself, you know what you want". Yes, I do know what I want but I still can't make up my mind!

Now that we're already in the second semester, the pressure is increasing significantly. Everyone's trying their hard to study. We have less than 5 months to go. Ausmat is damn short and tough. With my midterm results, I guess it's enough to remind me that I should put in more efforts and my marks for the internal assessments need to be more consistent. Well, that's what all the lecturers said during the parent-teacher meeting. The special meeting was held last saturday and as usual, I've prepared myself for those instant-and-endless lectures from my beloved parent. The meeting went well, and finally my parent got to see my results for the first semester. My dad commented that I should have done better for my economics and english. He always emphasizes on those two subjects, because those two were his favourite and best subjects he scored back then and so he expects me to be good at it too. My mum concerned more on my attitudes, as for every lecturer she'll be asking whether I was noisy or did I sleep in class..huh..she still think of my attitude in school before. I was a bit loud, and I hate to sit at one place, I love to migrate in class and in between classes as well...skipping class was my favourite especially for bio.Talkative as I was before, my mum always got this comment from my school teacher. However, I think I'm 'good' now..haha.so mum shouldn't be worried I guess. I never skip class here.

Friday, June 19, 2009



She was a little girl

With big dreams and hopes

She was a little girl

Who believes in fairytales

And her credence upon fairytales was intense

She had no worries

All she kept were sweet memories

Her sweet smile

Her melodious voice

Her laughter and joy

Her warm eyes

Those never lies

But oh dear

Life isn't always wonderful

She was fooled

She was hurt

Her dreams were shattered

Her heart filled with hatred

Under the dark sky

She cried

She stood still

As rain washed away her sorrow

She swooned

And fell to the ground

As I held her cold hand

She asked, "how do I stand?"

Like a burning flame

Her anger and frustration

Are to be blame

Like raindrops

Her tears never stop

But her faith remain unshaken

To prove her spirit to the very core

Her resilience and endurance

Though none go with her

She has no more fear

Voices echoed in her mind

To purge these abiding memories

To efface these acrimonious memories

To keep holding on...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


5 subjects,
5 days,
and 5 papers.

Mid-term examination

Overall, all the paper was very challenging. Not only the questions but, we also need to manage our time properly during the examination.
Even though it's 3-hours paper, the time given was only enough for us to answer all questions. There's no time to check the answers and surely, there's no "turning-back".

English paper was tough. The comprehension text took much of my time. I read the text almost 3 times to understand it. Then I took some more time to answer the questions. While I'm answering the questions then suddenly I realized the essay that we need to write based on the text given. I got panicked and I didn't know which part of the questions I need to proceed first. After that, I decided to write the essay first but, still, it's hard to synthesize the content of the text and paraphrase it using my own words. The reconstruction of the sentences really gave me major headache. I can't even remember what I wrote. Then came the last part...another essay and I've chosen the one on media. I didn't do well for this essay as my conclusion were messed up and of course, due to time limit.

Applicable Maths and Physics both are tough in terms of time management. We need to be fast, there was no time to even think. As for Physics, this is my first time encountering Physics paper which has 2 pages of essay on Ancient Greek History. It's totally a new thing for me. I know it clearly this was the format, but still, it's a challenging part because we need to apply the concepts learnt into the questions.

Chemistry was pretty tough and difficult as well. Objective questions were hard as those in part B and C. There was one part of calculation I couldn't finish and I was really frustrated. For part B also, I did not manage to put all the chemicals into their groups. I only realised that part when we were told time's up. As for Economics, it was the subject that I neglected the most. Since it requires reading and memorizing, I tend to put it aside first. I know it's bad habit of studying and truth to be told, I only read the 2nd chapter on the night before exam. Time given for econs paper was also 3 hours but it's more than enough since almost all of us finish the paper earlier.

Unfortunately, during the whole week of examination, I was not feeling very well. High fever and a continuous headache and flu really irritates me. I failed to give full concentration to the exam papers and I was really upset and frustrated. Anyway, I did my best for this exam, thus I shouldn't feel so sad or depressed. Let's just hope and pray I get good results. And the exam's already past, so I shouldn't crack my head thinking about it. I'm having good rest this holiday and hopefully, starting this new semester, I'll do my best and give my full concentration on my studies and perhaps study harder.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

big war

Big war is coming and we have 2 more weeks to prepare for this upcoming battle. Honestly, I'm not fully prepared. The constant internal assesments for every subjects has made me numb. I don't even know what kind of feelings should I feel now? And whether or not I can choose what to feel now? nervous? scared? stressed up? or just maybe try to relax?

With all these unfinished assignments, presentation and whatsoever homework which are still lining up on the table waiting for me to take them. I have no idea where to start and I ended up updating my blog. Never mind, at least I'm writing academic blog, so I considered it as doing homework as well. I'm reading up on euthanasia too and it's really cracked my head because I keep thinking how people can choose to die and how they make their decisions? All these questions keep running in my head since last week when I started to read up about it and now, somehow, I felt a bit disturbed since all I keep thinking is only DEATH.

Ok enough about the death. ( i'm scared now )

Fighting with myself is what I'm currently doing at this moment. Laziness is killing me but I must disagree with that. I'm not as lazy as I used to be when I was in high school. And I'm pretty sure I've improved in terms of my hardwork when I entered college. Therefore, I assume that as I have worked harder, the outcomes supposedly should be better. Truth to be told, my marks are not that good and why? As clearly stated up there, I'm feeling numb. Perhaps I'm just too tired studying and trying hard to achieve good results. But who would not want that right. Economics presentation on Monday followed by Physics test on Tuesday, Economics test on Wednesday and persuasive speech on Thursday. Life's great. Let's get started.

HAPPY STUDYING to all ausmat students.
May we obtain great results in mid-term examination =D

Friday, May 8, 2009


Vacation, finally!!

Though I think it's not really a 'vacation', but at least all of us could get away from Bandar Utama and forget about our never-ending studies. 3days-and-2 night stay were full of adventures, experiences and fun. I totally forgot about our studies and of course had fun playing around and enjoyed the activities.

Besides that, the camp was the only opportunity we had to bond with each other. At the camp, we were divided into groups in which we got to know other students as well, especially those of different classes. There were many activities organised by the committee members. But what made me excited the most were jungle trekking and flying fox. Not only this time, in a few previous camp that I went, these two activities were my favourite too. This time around I must admit that the jungle-trekking was extremely great! We went up the 'virgin' jungle and spent almost 3 hours trekking! Being close to nature make me feel calm and I could relax myself, though it's a bit tiring when climbing up the hill. I enjoyed listening to singing birds, walking through tiny path of the jungle, with the smell of the soil and seeing the beauty of green floras. And at that moment..I said to myself "oh how wonderful life is, why can't I feel all these in BU?" Of course you won't hear anything such that in BU. The only thing you hear in BU was the honking of neighbours' cars, and the annoying sound from the construction sites nearby our house.

Then there's also a long bridge that we've crossed. Although I'm afraid of height, I managed to cross the bridge twice. It was pretty scary though. At first, I tried not to look down and walk as usual, but as I reached the middle of the bridge, I was very scared that I can't hardly balance myself. The rope on which I stand on was shaking and at that time, I thought I was going to fall down ( drama queen again! ) and my hand can't even grip the side rope tightly. I walked slower than before so as to balance myself.

Flying fox was another thing that I was looking forward to since we arrived there. I was with Natto when we were 'flying'. All we need to do is just scream and shout out loud, it's almost the same as riding a roller coaster, but this only last or about 5 to 6 seconds. Unfortunately, I did not bring along my camera to take video of us 'flying'.

I wish I could go back there. The place was very peaceful and calm. There's no rush and everything seems pretty wonderful. Fresh, cool air in the morning, and the water was very cool. It felt like a beautiful dream and how I wish I do not have to wake up. Overall, the camp was like a 'break' for us to release stress and give a rest to ourselves.